Caffeine-addled ramblings, rants, and random thoughts about my life in pursuit of utter awesomeness and general kickassery.

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Friday, January 16, 2009

Blast From the Past

Story time!

So sit back and let me tell you a little yarn about your old friend, Tenacious B.

It may give you a little insight as to who he is, and why he is, what he is.

It was the early 90s. Clinton was a new, idealist president, Rodney King was getting his ass beat, as was everyone that went on a date with Mike Tyson. The Pentium was born, Nirvana was top of the charts, and Tenacious B was in Love.

The Big "L."

As in head over heels.

My first real Love.

Her name was Heather.

We had been dating for a couple of years. It was a tumultuous romance, passionate, wild, and carefree only as a couple of inexperienced, dumb 20ish can be. The world was our burrito.

She was graduating and going into the USAF as an analyst. We sat down and made a plan. She was to go through basic and OCS, then when she got assigned I was going to pack up my troubles in my old kit bag and smile, smile, smile. No wait, I was going to move out to be with her. So until basic started she was going to spend some time with her parents in Florida.

I missed her the day she left.

And the day after.

For about a week we talked for hours on the phone each night.

Then one night, the phone didn't ring. It didn't ring the next night. I called, and her sister answered and told me she was out. Ok, have her give me a call when she gets in. The phone didn't ring again. The phone persisted in not ringing. And just as mysteriously, she was not there when I called.

After a week or so, I was getting some stuff together to drive out to Florida to find out what happened, when the phone stopped not ringing.

It was her.

The call lasted for all of two minutes. I don't remember the entire conversation, but I remember the last thing she said to me...

"My life is different now, and you're not a part of it. Goodbye."


The short version of this was

  • She broke up with me after over two years.
  • I didn't know why.
It's at this point that I find out how important closure is. Six weeks go by. My parents get mail from her.

It was a wedding announcement. My dear, sweet mother (being who she is) sends a short, sweet, congratulatory card. It was returned, "Refused by sender."

It took me a long time to get over her.

Long time. Think years.


Fast forward to last week. I got an email from Facebook and pulled it up on my phone.

From her.

"Heather sent you a message.

Subject: ???

Did you live in College Station in mid-90's? If so, I just want to apologize.



I had nothing. I mean, this was the apology I needed 15 years ago.


My mind was pulled in 1,463 directions at once. First of all, I WAS over her. So to be honest I really didn't need it. Secondly, I was gracious that she did realize that she hurt me. Also, I was a little angry, sad, happy, appreciative... you get the picture.

I took a day and threw this back, wanting to take the high road:

"Y'know, it's funny. Every year or so I try to find YOU to apologize. I found some trails here and there, but never anything concrete.

I won't lie, you were my first Love and I was hurt. But that was a long time ago, and I made it a point to just remember the good times. We DID have a lot of those, if you remember. Regardless, thank you and I accept.


Thinking it was over, done. I said my peace and moved on. The next day I got...

"Glad to know that we're in the same place...there were good times.

So anyway, what are you up to these days? I'm in San Antonio working for ATT. Married with a daughter. We just got back from a trip to Hawaii last month. Beautiful, wouldn't mind going there permanently.


That actually bugged me a little. To me it was a "Hey, sorry I broke your heart and punched you in the chest back then. Can I put you on my Christmas list?"

I said nothing. No response.

So a couple of days later I got:

"Re: ???

After my mind has wandered over this for a few days, I'm not sure what you would need to apologize for. I guess each person sees the circumstances differently, and I didn't hold any hard feelings towards you. I was feeling more guilty about how I ended things; I took some actions I feel were really less than true to my nature. I guess you do what you know, and I know better now. Starting to ramble...sorry.

Anyway, hope your happy and doing what is best for you now.


So here's my response (which was never sent)...


I appreciate the effort, you did hurt me. What you did was wrong.


That was over 15 years ago and I'm over it. I'm over you. What is best for me is to do what I did a decade ago: File away the good memories we had in storage and forget everything else.



And they all lived happily ever after.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Welcome to 2009!

It's another year come and gone, and '09 is gonna be kickass.

How do I know this?

Because the B says so.

In accordance with prophecy.

Each year, I like to look back and see what I learned. So without further adieu...

The Top 10 things I learned in 2008

  1. Always know where your cookies are.
  2. Sometimes it's okay to ask for help.
  3. But remember to say "Thank you" and "I Love you."
  4. Cleaning out the closets can cleanse your soul.
  5. Adult novelty stores can be a scary place (albeit fun with the right people).
  6. Kindness gets returned to you.
  7. Anger never solves problems. Hope always does.
  8. Words can hurt more than anything else possibly can.
  9. You can touch a life, make a memory, and change the world without meaning to.
  10. Make sure it's for the better.