Caffeine-addled ramblings, rants, and random thoughts about my life in pursuit of utter awesomeness and general kickassery.

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Monday, July 28, 2008

General Weirdness

I'm in a goofy mood today.

And apparently I'm not the only one. Here are some excerpts from actual IM conversations this morning...

***: doing some research on euro power plugs so i know what to get
Tenacious B: for your "marital aids?"
***: no, for my camera when i go to italy
Tenacious B: oh, right. those are a bitch to get through customs
***: marital aids or power adapters?
Tenacious B: sybians
***: heh, im not lugging one of those through italy
Tenacious B: what was I thinking?

***: hehe, how was
***: your weekend?
Tenacious B: my weekend was
Tenacious B: pretty uneventful
***: no wild parties?
***: yeah mine too, lots of studting and sleeping
Tenacious B: yeah, but it was over pretty quick after the donkey died
***: damn donkey never can keep up
Tenacious B: nope. choked on a midget

***: heh, well im glad i popped in amongst the miscellany and not amongst something more important
Tenacious B: oh, my randomness IS more important
Tenacious B: that's where the universe-changing theories and epiphanies reside
***: heh, good to know! is that somewhere next to the blackhole where the things you forget lay?
Tenacious B: you know about that?
***: heh, my blackhole is very prominent and ever expanding
***: so how was your weekend?
Tenacious B: ***: heh, my blackhole is very prominent and ever expanding
Tenacious B: /insert crude joke here
***: hehe, yeah, i left it wide open for you!
Tenacious B: /rimshot

Tenacious B: wow, that sounds SO wonderful
***: Doesn't it beat work and chores?
Tenacious B: like a rented mule

Tenacious B: wonder how the planets are aligned?
***: I was just about to ask if Eros was rising or some such nonsense.
***: It's a flouncy dress, sassy heels in hand, feet in water, frolicky kind of day.
Tenacious B: meh, my dress is too formal for that
***: that's why they made dry-cleaners.
***: So my horoscope says it's a great day for me to try something brand-new.
Tenacious B: anal?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Take Your Dog To Work Day!

Not really. But Murphy has come to work with me today.

He wasn't feeling well last night, and by that I mean he wouldn't move. He was laying by the couch taking shallow breaths. As I walked up to him, he just lifted his eyes to me and thumped his tail twice.

I called the vet about 9 last night. Well, the vet for one of the rescue organizations I volunteer for. He said it doesn't sound too serious, mayhaps an ear infection that spread.

So I'm going to watch him until at least lunch, then take him either to the vet or home, depending on his demeanor.

getting him to the door was a chore, he was walking stiff and slowly, I practically had to lift him into the truck, and came to work.

The first thing he did when we walked through the door was run up to the receptionist for some lovin.

Let me repeat that...

The first thing he did when we walked through the door was run up to the receptionist.

The big faker.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


I typically avoid posting any LOLCAT stuff, but I couldn't resist.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Nothing To Do With Fishing

I like fishing.

Well, to be perfectly honest, I like the excuse of fishing. Sitting back in the boat watching the clouds go by, hearing the water lap up next to the boat, maybe with a beer in hand, feeling the cool breeze waft across my face. Honestly, I don't really care if I catch anything. Or even if the hook is baited. It's the action, not the result that makes it enjoyable to me.

But I always wondered about the fish's point of view. Granted, I'm most likely giving them too much credit, but still. It would be like seeing an Oreo pristinely resting atop a linen napkin on a park bench; other people glancing at it, tempted, but passing. Now remember you LOVE Oreos. You would eat them 24/7 if you could, but they're rare and hard to come by. And there's one, unguarded, for the taking. You've eaten them before, but never one presented so tantalizingly. It makes you wary.

In theory it could've been dropped there by accident, or left there by someone that had had their fill already. Regardless, it makes your mouth water just looking at it. You could either throw caution to the wind and take a bite, risking all self-preservation, or let it go and try to put out of your mind how delicious it would have been.

It's taken a lot of time to get over the Oreos. You were forced to go cold turkey. And this one showed up right when you just started not thinking of them constantly.

Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming
Just keep swimming swimming swimming...

Friday, July 18, 2008

That B is a Bad Mother...

"Shut your mouth!"
"I'm just talkin' bout B"
"We can dig it"

I saw Hailey yesterday, and spent WAY too much getting my hair cut.

But she's worth it. I've been seeing her for about 3 years now.

She's the type of stylist that I don't tell her how I want it cut, never cuts my hair the same way twice, but it ALWAYS looks hot.

So much so that each time I see her, I head out for a drink or two afterwards, sort of a red carpet treatment for the new 'do. I can almost hear theme music as I walk out of the salon. And yeah, usually when I walk by a woman, her ovaries will jump out of her body and attach themselves to my underbelly for nourishment.

Except for last night.

Because of a crisis at work (Read: Clusterfuck) I had to go back in right after, and didn't get out until 10ish? 11ish? Not sure. So the only people that were there to appreciate my hawtness were two fifty-something cleaning ladies who don't speak English.

It's a shame.

Hailey told me as she got started, "I need to make your hair look extra hot so you can get laid."

She's right, you know.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Friday, July 11, 2008

Business Trip By The Numbers

Just got back from yet another trip last night. Here's the data...

Number of hours gone: 71
Miles driven: 1,001
Cities visited: 3
Towns/cities driven through: 56
Amount spent on gas: $245
Money spent on company card: $736.39
Hours slept: 14
Hours driving: 16
Number of times listened to "Rainbow Connection": 6
Calories consumed: 15,364,397
Flat tires: 1
1 1/2" screws removed from said tire: 2
Hotel towels absconded: 2
Text messages sent: 87
Text messages received: 92
Breakups from cute girls: 1
Hard feelings: 0
Cute girls back in my life: 2
Goals made: 16
Calls made on job opportunities: 3
Possibilities in my life: Infinite

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Another Trip To Nowhere

I forget stuff.

A lot.

Some of you long time readers remember the business trip where I had to make two trips back home because I forgot my phone, then shoes.

My friends are a godsend. Lil in particular. First of all, she's been watching Murphy while I'm away on business (Thanks, hun). Secondly, she is my travel checklist. The second I leave, she sends me texts listing all my necessities to make certain I have everything. Her list is normally, "shoes. pants. laptop. phone. condoms. lube." She likes to be certain my bases are covered.

And yet I forget stuff.

Like the first trip of the season, 750 miles and three meetings in three days. I left A)my watch and B)my travel bag. But nothing a quick trip to the local Wally World couldn't resolve.

My three-day trip last week left me traveling sans socks, once again nothing that a small detour couldn't resolve.

So yesterday I made sure I had everything. I was certain. I didn't bring my blazer, but that was a conscious choice; mostly because after 3 weeks of hard traveling it's in bad need of cleaning (i.e. smells like ass).

I loaded up the truck, then grabbed Murphy to drop him off at Lil's, backed up, then pulled back into the spot so I could run in and grab my watch. Back up, then pull back. Run in, grab my printed directions to Beaumont. Pull out, pull back in, run in and get my sunglasses.

Welcome to my world.

Ok, ready to go this time. I get on the road about 3:30, singing "Rainbow Connection" at the top of my lungs and trying to ignore the five-hour drive ahead of me.

I made it out of town without incident and was trying to figure out where to have lunch. Around 4ish, Murphy started barking at some people walking down the road.

"Murphy, Hush!"


I forgot to drop the little bastard off. He, tail wagging, was having the time of his life going on a trip. The tail stopped briefly when I slowed down and headed back towards Austin.

I forget stuff.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Homoerotic Bread

This is probably the only time you'll ever find those two words together...

On the road again, so thought I'd leave you with some man-meat to while away your time.

See? Not My Fault!

A recent study shows that 80% of sunscreens are not only ineffective, but could also be carcinogenic as well.

Those bastards.

Read about the study here.