Caffeine-addled ramblings, rants, and random thoughts about my life in pursuit of utter awesomeness and general kickassery.

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Damn You, Rick Astley!

I got RickRolled last night by a friend.

The bastard.

For those of you unfamiliar with what that is, click here.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

So all this morning that damn song was stuck in my head. And it didn't help that I have to work in Excel all day.

So before I knew it I made a new worksheet...

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Sometimes my geekiness scares even me.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Story Time!

Nothing to report today, so sit back and I'll tell you a story...

This happened a week and a half ago during my hiatus.

On the Friday night in question I had a date with a new chica (I was trying to come up with a nick for her but then thought, nah, I'll never be seeing her again so why bother?). But anyway, it was an... experience. I got home at about 3:30ish, and passed out.

At 8 in the am, there was a knock at my door, followed by an onslaught of doorbell rings and Murphy freakin the F out. The last time that happened it WAS rather urgent (no details), so I dragged my ass out of bed, put on some clothes laying on top of my hamper and went downstairs.

It was three kids from my complex. I was about to get really upset, as they usually pound on my door routinely to ask me to get their balls/frisbees/kites/snorkel from my patio.

Not this time. The ringleader, the 12yo daughter of the apartment manager looked at me and said "Don't come outside!" And then added, "wait until we come and get you."

In hindsight I should've been panicked and very concerned. But in my half-asleep state, I think I mumbled, "whatever," and closed the door, collapsing on the couch.

I had just dozed off again and the knocks and doorbell ringing started anew. Murphy began bouncing off the walls, barking in my ear with renewed vigor. It was her again with a shit-eating grin on her face, saying, "come outside and see your surprise!" Ok, I was a wee bit concerned at this point, but Murphy needed to go out anyway so I bit the bullet and stepped out into the sunshine.

She took my hand and walked me out to the parking lot and pointed at my truck.

"We washed it for you!"


"Why do I deserve such noble treatment," I asked.
"Well, you're always so nice to us. We wanted to do something nice for you."

It's not often I'm speechless.

About an hour later I went and got them all ice cream and root beers. And the rest of the weekend I was walking on air.

Thanks, guys.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Three Day Weekend (And A Little About Murphy Too!)

I took Friday off.

No holiday, no illness, no appointments, errands, world domination, etc.

Just a day off. I needed it.

It was almost to the point where my friends and neighbors would be featured on the 10 o'clock news talking about how "normal" and "peaceful" I seemed, before taking an axe to my entire office. So I told my boss I was taking a personal day. No other explanation needed or offered.

For the most part I didn't do much. I took Lillith out to dinner on Fri, and saw Pepper on Saturday night. But the REAL story was about Saturday afternoon.

After the sudden deluge on Friday night I was going a little stir crazy. So while checking my email, a cold nose pressed itself against my arm. It was Murphy wanting to go out. That was the sign I needed. I looked into those happy brown eyes and asked him if he wanted to go with me to get coffee. He disappeared, a black blur bounding down a flight of steps in three jumps, skidding into the door at full speed (He absorbed the entire impact with his brain, so there was no damage).

I stopped off at the local Starbucks with a book, dog, and my journal. I went inside to get my coffee and muffin, tying up the Poot to a shade umbrella they had outside. In the span of five minutes, he had dragged the umbrella just enough to sit on an elderly gentleman's foot. The man was lazily scratching Murphy's ears while doing the crossword puzzle.

So I collected the traitor and moved to a table a bit farther down, started sipping on the java and listened as the world went by.


A couple sat down at the next table with their granddaughter. Not sure how old, but definitely under a year. She was at that stage where she could pull herself up by hanging on to something. She and Murphy seemed mutually fascinated by one another, so I got up and walked Murphy over so she could pet the "daggie," as she called him. They made their intros, she squealed as she got doggie kisses, and then we sat back down.

I saw the girl glancing at us occasionally, and then she strolled on over to pet Murphy again. That's when all hell broke loose. The grandparents were whipping out cameras and phones. I was trying to figure out what I did, what Murphy did, or if I should bolt before the cops come. I heard the lady on her cell, saying "Get over here NOW!"

Panic was one thought.

Fear was another.


She scooped the kid in her arms and explained it to me.

She just took her first steps.

Her FIRST steps.

To see MY "daggie."

That's us. Changing the world, one step at a time.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

In a Handbasket, Mom

This morning I got an email today from my Mom. I may have mentioned before that she's VERY Catholic, and she's always sending me little prayers and such.

I don't really mind. She's not militant about it, and I appreciate the thought regardless of my own religious views. Plus, on the off chance that I'm wrong about EVERYTHING (entirely possible), she could be my PR rep for the deity in the clouds.

So she sent me a novena (for those non-Caths out there, it's a prayer said for nine days to ask for special graces) via email.

Here it is...

You were chosen to receive this novena.
The moment you receive it, say:
Hail Mary full of grace,

...(etc, etc)

but deliver us
from evil. Amen
.GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you
this coming year.
No matter how much your enemies try this year, they
will not succeed.
You have been destined to make it and you shall surely
achieve all your goals this year.
For the year 2008, all your agonies will be diverted
and victory and prosperity will be incoming in
abundance. Today God has
confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and
pain because HE that
sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken
away the hardships
and given you JOY. He will never let you down.
I knocked at heaven's door this morning, God asked
me...My child! What can I do for you? And I said,
"Father, please protect and bless the person reading
this message... "
This is a Novena from Mother Theresa that started in1952.
It has never been broken. Within 48 hours send 20
copies or as many as you can - God does know if you
don't have 20 people to send it to.
It's the effort and intent that
counts to family and friends.
This is a powerful Novena. Couldn't hurt. Can only
help. Please do not break it...

Chain emails bug me a little. Especially one that's been around for [snicker] 50+ years.

"GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you this coming year."
Statements like this always bug me. My issue is best described in a convo with Jesus by our friends over at Russell's Teapot...

"A) You, being omniscient, apparently know I need help. B) you, being omnipotent, actively choose not to provide said help to me C) then you, inexplicably, tell Sally that she needs to pray - to you - in order for you to help me which results in D) Sally imploring you to help me with the issue that E) you already knew I needed help with in the first place."

Yeah, makes sense.

Anyway, let's do the math...
"This is a Novena from Mother Theresa that started in1952.
It has never been broken. Within 48 hours send 20

Ok, let's assume that this started on December 31, 1952.
That gives us 20,204 days to today.

That gives us 10,102 48-hour time units, assuming that each person would wait until the absolute last second to send the message.

Starting with Mother Teresa sending that first email (just pretend, okay?) in 1952, that would
give us 6.12998 x 10^236 (e.g. 20^182) people in that first year alone.
To put that into perspective, the current estimate of the number of atoms in our known universe (encompassing 46 billion light years) is 10^80.

Now understandably, not each person would forward the message. I'd say 10% is a reasonable approximation, so let's say 2 people forward it. That would be 6.12998 x 10^54 (e.g. 2^182) people in 1953. To put it in real numbers, that's 6,129,982,163,463,556,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 people.
(The population of the earth in 1950 was 2,521,000,000.)

According to the Population Reference Bureau, there have been an estimated 106,456,367,669 humans born to date since 50,000 BC.

I couldn't find any calculators that could handle the sheer numbers of calculating 2^10,012

I'm going to hell.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Oh, Right. I Have A Blog!

On Monday I received six messages, by text, IM, and email asking if everything's okay.

It is. Mostly.

Been pretty swamped at work, and even though I have some wonderful stories (involving babysitting, a BAD date, and a knock on my door at 8:15 am), I can't seem to make the words. Call it writer's block. I've toyed with a few posts and the words can't seem to come.

Anyway, I'm still writing and when I come up with anything fit for human consumption I'll slap it up.

But I AM doing great. Pour yourself a cup and I'll be back soon.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


I pick up the mail from the receptionist's desk yesterday afternoon, and there was a lot. In fact, I had to take the entire bin up with me. While sorting through it, I lifted a stack of legal sized envelopes and saw a smallish box underneath. Now packages aren't that unusual around here, but then I noticed it was addressed to me.

And then I saw it.

Hong Kong.


I think my nipples got hard.

I left the rest of the mail there to sort itself, and dived into my office.


Ye gods.

It's huge.

It's heavy.


(Does NOT do the picture justice)

The rest of the day I spent thumbing through the manual, waiting for it to charge (Yeah, my boss can bite me. I have a NEW TOY, DAMMIT!).

The Engrish was wonderfully bad, and the instructions were vaguely reminiscent of something that might be useful.

(Click on pic for full size)

Ummm, what?

The interface instructions would confuse the non-geeks out there, but who other than nerds would own this?

Me. I would.

And I do.

The troubleshooting section is worth noting as well

As far as I know, this isn't available for retail in the US, so maybe only a handful of these are in this country. That's a weird feeling. All of us in the upper echelon of geekdom.

So the picture is surprisingly clear. I converted and uploaded Spiderman 2, and it was very watchable. (Converted to 160×128 at 20fps, the file size was only 220MB.)

The sound is good, the games on it kinda suck (simply because you have to use the buttons on the side, and they're not very intuitive), and the clock isn't customizable. Other than that, it's beyond my expectations. I'm looking into selling these.

Lillith was having a "need-a-coffee-after-work" kinda day yesterday, so I met her after I got off. She looked at me, saw the kickass gear on my wrist, shook her head, and said, "B, you truly are the KING of all geeks."

She's right, ya know.


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Happy Anniversary!

A year has gone by since I started this blog, and a lot has happened. Love won and lost, a new business, the return of a puppy, a lot of laughs and a few tears. New friends found, old friends lost.

And you.

My readers.

My minions.

Thanks for being part of my life.

/raises glass