Caffeine-addled ramblings, rants, and random thoughts about my life in pursuit of utter awesomeness and general kickassery.

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Monday, March 31, 2008

Look Out, Dick Tracy!

I ordered a watch a couple of weeks ago.

No big deal, right?

I was surfing, and came across this online.

No big deal, right? Kinda cool (in a geeky sorta way. The face IS rather large).


Then I saw this and peed in my pants a little.

That's right. 8GB MP4 capable.

Must be heavy as hell though, since it's stainless steel. Also, probably not the best looking thing on the petite. Lucky for me, I have a fairly nice set of meathooks.

The price was well within my range (at the time), so I set out finding where to order it. Not an easy task, as it's not yet available in the US. However, I did find a wholesaler in China that would ship here.

It did take a little bit of time to jump through hoops regarding payment, import of electronics, shipping, etc. After originally ordering it on 3/12, I finally got my tracking number and am proud to say that as of yesterday, it has left Hong Kong and is on its way.

I'll keep you up to date.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

CBD #1

I went out on my first Cah-Razy Blind Date last night.

And it was fun. Julia was surprisingly attractive and really fun to talk to. We had drinks (quite a few) and talked about politics, religion, fingernails, why everyone should have a "gay" and random tidbits. Three hours later, we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.

10 things I learned from last night.

  1. When a girl mentions, "I expect for the guy to pay for dinner/drinks," it usually means that she can pound them back.
  2. And her drink of choice isn't cheap either.
  3. When going on these, don't have any preconceived notions. It'll only freak you out.
  4. Go dutch. Period. State that up front.
  5. I'm beginning to think that I attract women who's dog recently died (That's 3 for 3, whoever's keeping score).
  6. I CAN be on time occasionally (You can stop fainting).
  7. Your friends WILL check in, just to make sure you're not chopped up into 37 pieces.
  8. Eat beforehand.
  9. I spent most of the night mentally playing the compare/contrast game. Not sure if that's a good thing or not.
  10. Choose a good place, which I fortunately did. Not too crowded, where we could spend 3 hours talking without being shooed away.

The thing about paying for a date. I want to go on record as saying I don't mind at all. I'm not cheap. Not rich either. My momma taught me right, and I think the guy should normally pay for the first date.


Dating is expensive for the guy, and these are blind dates. It's not like I met someone who I KNOW I'd like to spend some time with, and asked her out properly. Not all of us are capable of going out four times a week and plopping down 70 bucks on a bar tab (I wish I was making that up). I started to think that she goes on these (according to her, quite a few) to keep her in Jack Daniels. Just sayin.

But it was fun, and I got to meet someone new.


Friday, March 28, 2008

Silly Rabbit, Gifts Are For Kids

So on that "other" secular holiday last Sunday, I was watching my nephew and niece play with all the nifty little gifts the easter bunny brought. Somehow Santa is now outsourcing to the Easter Bunny, because I don't ever remember getting presents on Easter. That is, except for the hard-boiled eggs hidden in the grass we found a week later, mostly by smell.

But yeah, the Easter Bunny cometh, even autographing the letters that L's spawn left for him. And before you ask how I know the gender, it's because my niece, Princess 'Toria asked him. See for yourself. (click on image for full size)

In case you can't read it, down at the bottom it says, "I wonder what? you are, boy or girl?"

And that lazy rabbit just circled "boy." Guess it's best, because it probably wouldn't be prudent to write, "I have testicles" to a kid.

(And btw, I want to point out the AWESOME dragon Connorman drew on his. That's the thing on the right. It IS really kickass IMO)


Anyway, back to the presents.

One of the things they each got was a Playdoh Make'N'Display kit. Great concept, if you ask me.

But the funny part, which caused both my sister and I to shoot wine out our respective noses, was the label on the back of each one...


That was sort of our reaction too.

Funniest of all, we just shrugged at one another and said, "Well, it IS non-toxic."

So kiddos, go ahead and chow down. Just make sure to ask your Mommy first if you have any food allergies.

Life Lesson

From our friends at XKCD...

Blind Dates & Hurt Feelings

It's odd when friends or readers send me a link I haven't seen before.

I'm that much of a power surfer. Even on my geek forums, a full 92.7% of the things that are posted are things I've already seen. So when Lillith sends me a link to something new, I fell out of my chair (She's as much a geek as I am a trout).

It's such a great concept I have to give a shameless plug:


Here's how it works: You give basic info about yourself, put in a tagline, locations and times available and they set up a date. Period. None of the "matching 29,348 levels of deep compatibility" bullshit. It's apparently matched based on if you're in an age range and have the correct genitalia. You're obligated to spend 20 minutes with them. You can even arrange a double date. So if you're in Austin, sign up and mayhaps we'd get arranged to have drinks or a coffee.

Also the website is actually pretty funny. Here's one message on one of my available dates- "Status: We almost have a date for you! Ok, so there is one person we can match you with if you were a little less picky. We suggest changing your required maximum age ... wink, wink."

(Also, I don't know what good the "questions" do, but I suggest you go through them. Some are effin hilarious. And there apparently isn't an end. I went through over 500 before I gave up).

This is perfect for a guy like me that likes to meet new people. Lil and I sent our info in, and I got set up for a date at 9 tonight. All I know is her name is Julia, she's 29 and she has "big brown eyes, shoulder-length curly hair and big beautiful smile. " No pic, no anything.

I'm not expecting anything romantic to come out of this. I'm still not sure what's going to happen with Pepper, but I am excited to do something a bit spontaneous again as I've been slacking in that category lately.

Speaking of Pepper... We had a really kickass date on Weds night. Dinner, drinks, the works, then making out on the couch, the coffee with a little sumtin-sumtin in it (Amaretto for her, Hazelnut Kahlua for me (I was out of Rufies)). And then a big question.



It was a question I was dreading, but needed to be out in the open.

"Are you actively pursuing other relationships?"
It's REALLY ok that she asked this, because I wanted to talk to her about it.
So, short answer: "No, with a but"
Long answer: "Yes, with a however"
I told her the truth. I am NOT actively pursuing other relationships, but I am still looking. If there's anything I should've learned in my 36 years, it's that women DO NOT want to hear the truth.

But I took a chance. I don't want to lose Pepper, but I also don't want to lie to her, nor jump into another relationship either. There's still time.

There's always time.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

And The Week Begins Anew

On Sunday I loaded up the dog and drove down to my sister's house for Zombie Jesus Day.

We were both excited. For me, I get to see my parental units and my sister's family, including two of the funniest kids you'll ever want to meet. For Murphy, it's a paradise with acres to run, cows to bark at, kids to play with, and numerous random dead things to roll around in.

Good times.

But it was really a good visit. There wasn't much discomfort as with the holidays, and I had a blast being the cool uncle again.

An interesting event happened though. I was helping out the sis in the kitchen, and mentioned I had a late night the night before because of a hot date. My sister looked up and said, "Oh, you mean Pepper?"


Do you ever have those moments when you're running along at a good clip, get distracted by a shiny thing, lose your rhythm and trip over your own feet?

My brain did something like that.

She then said (quite casually), "Yeah, I've been reading your blog."
Oh, and L... /WAVE

It never occurred to me that someone in my family was that interested in my blog. It isn't that they aren't interested in my life, but my life is a bit out of their circle. I know I'm not explaining it well, but that's all I got.

So anyway, we had a great time, I got kisses and hugs from L's spawn, and Murphy's still passed out (he did eat something that gave him a tummyache, but he's fine now).

And my Mom only made one church reference.

It was a good day.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Zombie Jesus Day

Heading over to my sister's for that (other) secular holiday. Talk you soon!

Saturday, March 22, 2008


There are times, those little times, those little events in our lives that make us realize who our true friends are...

I had one of those days yesterday.

I won't go into great detail, but I want to publicly thank Lillith for being there for me when I needed her.

I owe ya big time, dork.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

1,827 Days

Five years.

3,990 American soldiers killed.

Over $600,000,000,000 spent.

It's time to come home.

Daisy, Daisy... Give Me Your Answer True...

A great writer passed away last night.

Arthur C. Clarke was probably the one writer that started me on the path to geekdom. When I was 8, I picked up a worn copy of Childhood's End at a rummage sale for ten cents. I finished the book that night.

Arthur, follow those dreams home to the stars...

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Myth, The Legend

Had a hot date on Saturday with Pepper (and yes, that IS what I'm going to call you here. /snicker).

Ok, not really a "date," because she just stopped by. No dinner, just wine, wonderful conversation and smoochin. Plus, she got to meet the Poot.

I went out with her for the first time on Thursday, and "meeting for coffee" turned into a seven-hour conversation. Plus, she's pretty hawt. I didn't write about that date, as I wasn't sure if she was completely insane at that point.

(She's not. Not completely.)

I like her. Not picking out wallpaper yet, but I like her. Enough that I gave her...
this blog address. That's like a geek promise ring, I know. But it's done. I stand by my decision.

But she did send me two texts yesterday that made me smile, and then caused me to trip over my feet a little.

"Yo! Fun blog :) being the narcissist that i am sometimes (i hide it well) i was hoping to see a post with a little somethin-somethin about yours truly."

and then shortly after:

"or maybe its better left out. Tough to top the legend known as ChaCha!"

Wow. I know she was joking, but that stung. Some of you know I haven't been speaking to her lately, which made the bite worse. And also, it's not that Pepper isn't aware of my history with ChaCha. In fact, we had a discussion about her and at some point I said, "Pepper, meet baggage. Baggage, meet Pepper."

It's not that I'm apologetic for my feelings towards ChaCha. I'm totally not. She's an amazing woman, I'm happy for the memories we had and I'm glad to have her in my life. Maybe it's that since I haven't really blogged about her in a while, and I didn't think there was still so many spotlights on those feelings.

I guess the knock from that text was because I've been mad at her. I hate being mad at anyone, in particular someone I care for so much (and ChaCha, if you read this... I'm over it). But also I didn't want big flashing neon signs pointing at my feelings for her. Especially apparent to a cute girl that I like spending time with.


Pepper, I had a really great time with you, and I hope I can see you soon.

Besides, Murphy kinda misses you.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Dog Rescued After Four Months Stranded in Desert

In my email today (Thanks G!)

Dog Rescued After Four Months Stranded in Desert

One day in December, train conductor Ken VanMoorhem was on his usual route, rolling through the desolate desert of western Utah, when he spotted a small figure limping along the sand.

"It was a real fleeting glimpse of a dog out in the middle of nowhere," he told The Associated Press.

He would have stopped the train in its tracks to rescue the injured animal if he could, but it was impossible. So VanMoorhem kept a close lookout each time he took that same route, always hoping he might catch a glimpse of her – but he didn't spot the dog again until nearly two months later.

This time, she was hiding in a tunnel in Nevada. Once again, VanMoorhem couldn't stop the train, but he decided to send for help as quickly as he could. "I basically gambled that she would stay there where she had shelter," he said. He called upon a fellow conductor, Theo Bassett, to drive to the location where he'd spotted her.

"She let Theo pick her up," VanMoorhem said. "As soon as she got back to the truck, she devoured his ham sandwich and slept under his feet on the drive back."

The dog, a Blue Heeler mix, had been through a lot during her time in the desert: After getting caught in a trap, she'd been forced to chew off her front paw to get free. She'd also been hit by a vehicle, and had suffered several broken bones and a collapsed lung. She was extremely emaciated, too: A vet estimated that she'd been stranded in the desert for months, staying alive by eating animal carcasses she came across.

"Her will to live and survive for at least four months are amazing," VanMoorhem said. "There's no water out there. Snow melt is basically the only water that was out there."

But despite her injuries and the hardships she had endured, the dog, whom VanMoorhem named Hogan after the tunnel where he found her, was full of energy. As soon as he let her out into the backyard, she was bouncing around with VanMoorhem's other dog, eager to play.

And, within just a few hours, said VanMoorhem, "she had staked her claim on the couch and nuzzled her head against us."

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I'm On The Pill Now

I did it. I even pinky-swore on it.

I started taking Chantix today.

For those of you not in the know, Chantix is a drug that's supposed to help you quit smoking. Last time I saw my doc, I asked him about it and he wrote me an Rx for it. I was pretty excited to pick up my first month's supply (out of 3), along with my antibiotics from that damn lung infection. The pharmacist grabbed my bags, punched a few buttons on the register, and said, "That'll be $134.99."


In all fairness, my copay for the antibiotics WAS $5. Ironically, if you smoke a pack a day, even at today's insane cigarette prices, it's cheaper to smoke than it is to take this medicine.

[insert rant here]

This is one of the things that really bugs me about modern health care. Smoking is one of the most major health issues in our society. Insurance premiums are high because of it, and good luck getting life insurance. But insurance will NOT cover the cost of quitting, even if prescribed by a doctor. Modern medicine is not in favor of preventive medicine, only for curing what you have. So insurance will pay for cancer, but not to help you quit smoking. It'll pay for diabetes, but not for preventative dietary supplements. It'll pay for back pain medication, but not for a simple lumbar pillow. Is it just me, or does that seem idiotically backwards?

[end rant]

Many times before I've attempted to quit. It's worked, too... for a bit. I've tried the patches (works REALLY well for the physical cravings, but not for the psychological dependence), the gum, the lozenges (very weird, btw). Acupuncture worked very well for me once, but then again, insurance wouldn't pay for it.

But I always started up again. I feel really optimistic about Chantix, because of HOW it works. Reading the forums on fellow quitters, as well as the website and the profuse amount of documentation in the box'o'pills, all it does is block the receptors in the brain from receiving nicotine. This is the first treatment I've seen where they tell you to go ahead and smoke while you're on the med. Most people on the forums say they didn't have the desire to smoke after 5-6 days.

That's what I want.

I don't think it's wrong to have a cigarette now and then, in fact, it's great with a scotch or a cup of coffee. But I don't want to NEED it any more. I don't want to panic when I light my last one. I don't want to HAVE to smoke.

And after 90 days, I won't.

After all, I am a big quitter.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Clearing Out The Clutter

Who would've thought straightening up could be painful?

Over the weekend I was feeling a little ambitious, so decided to straighten up a bit at home. No serious rolling-up-the-rugs stuff, just cleaning out some closet and drawer space.

I'm not as much a "pack rat" as I am a "sentimental sap", as someone used to call me.

While cleaning out my desk drawers, I located a cache of memories. I'll save anything to remind me of a moment, a person, a feeling. be it ticket stubs, receipts, matchbooks, wine corks, or even a leaf. In my mind it's not so much collecting things as it is collecting reflections.

I got rid of a few of those.

I did save a few, the seashell from the beach where Jean and I were married, the shard of glass from my first date with ChaCha, the key from the truck where I got in my life-changing accident.

Both Jean and ChaCha have their own box, brimming with random miscellany. Those boxes aren't as full as they were, but that makes all that is left more poignant. It was both freeing and painful sorting through the items. Some things made me smile, even laugh out loud on a couple. A few tears were shed.

But now there is room in MY box for tons of new memories.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Buzzing With Excitement

I get a call from my friend Lillith on Tuesday.

She:"What're you doing tomorrow?"
Me:"Was planning on overthrowing the government, but other than that, nothin. What's up?"
She:"Wanna take a field trip with me?"
Me:"Sure. Need a wing man?"
She:"Nope, I need to go buy something, and thought it'd be fun if you came along."
Me:"No prob. What are we buying?"
She:"A vibrator. Mine broke. We can have dinner first."
Me:"Sure. Why the hell not?"

Now, for clarification, she didn't NEED me to come. She's not the type of person that would be embarrassed to go alone, and I have no problem with checking out "girl stuff," no matter how graphic it may be. But she's a hoot, so I thought it'd be fun. I did tell her however that if she starts sizing latex fists, I was out of there. She said she had an adequate collection already, so we were good.

Man, she cracks me up.

I was a little worried though when she walked in and went DIRECTLY to the one she wanted, considering there were three aisles of electronic goodies for the ladies. I asked her how often she comes here and she said just when her vibe breaks. Apparently she's gone through three of those bad boys, and needs a 12-step program.

anyway, she got one with...



Yeah. For the lazy sex-crazed women, I imagine. Oh, I TOTALLY have new fodder for making fun of her now.

We then spent the next 20 minutes browsing. My favorite items were the fetish ones, like the "completely lifelike" tranny sex doll (that's right, inflatable pre-op), the various bondage equipment, the feather-on-a-stick that they were selling for $19.99, and a latex foot. Ya heard me (Looked around size 11, FTR).

Other items of interest:

  • The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex 2 (DVD)- To take care of all of those unanswered questions from the first one?
  • Oral sex mints- According to the tin, to be used during oral sex, although after might not be a bad idea either. Sometimes.
  • Flavored lubricants- Not weird in itself, but some of the flavors were (Looking at you, Key Lime).
  • A vibrator that had several prongs and additions that was obviously for a woman that had at least two additional body parts. Or maybe I missed the memo.
Lil also said something I have NEVER heard uttered by any friend before. Especially with a wink. "Really? You never used a cock ring? You really should." What the hell do you say to that? Especially since she knows I'm not "intimate" with anyone right now.

My real low point of the evening was when we were perusing what was apparently the male genitalia aisle. I didn't compare myself to the latex giants we saw...


Lil started describing her ex's "member." "It was sort of like that," she would mention, pointing to what at best would be described as a cannon, "but about that length and is sort of shaped like that one," as she pointed out in turn circus-freak proportioned mounds of pink rubber.

I want to reiterate, Lil is a friend. No jealousy or romance here. Also, I have no problems with my goods, so to speak. But DAMN. No wonder she's single. Who could ever "measure up," to pardon the pun? And she does have a gift for making me feel inadequate. Or perhaps she's doing a pre-emptive strike on all the jokes I WILL make at her expense.

Anyway, done with browsing and her new major appliance in hand, we proceeded to checkout. Surprisingly, the girl checking us out took the remote out of the package, and inserted batteries to test it. It's funny how with all the electronics I buy, it's in a store like this that they actually make sure the devices work. She inserted the batteries (6 of them) and flipped the switch.



It had 3 speeds, which she tried them all: Low, medium, and Who-needs-a-man. Seriously. I wish my orbital sander had that kind of power. Holding it in my hand on medium, I think I found religion.

And Lil, speaking as a friend, cut down on the power. It'll motivate you more to find a boyfriend.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

FOR SALE: 2003 Black Poot, Low mileage

One owner, never been raced. (/wink)

As much as I Love my dog, sometimes he gets on my LAST nerve.

Yesterday started out normal, he glanced up as I was leaving for work, then promptly went back to sleep. As I walk in the door during lunch, I discovered that he took everything he owns on my bed; including his blankies, bowls (which he was considerate enough to dump out beforehand), his kong, numerous chewies, scores of toys, etc. all the way upstairs. He made a fort on top of my pillow. he even managed to push the comforter aside to build his little plush sanctuary. As cute as it was, it ticked me off because of the mess factor, especially since now the amount of black fur (not to mention the other little things) has grown to epic proportions where I sleep.

And that was just by noon.

Upon arriving home from work, this time remembering to leave the bedroom door closed, I was greeted by a very innocent-looking puppy on the couch, with a "wasn't me" look on his face. I know that look, and am prepared for anything I may find. It didn't take long. He managed to drag my suitcase up the stairs into the spare room. With all the traveling I do, I leave my suitcase downstairs, so all I have to do is throw in clothes and I'm good to go. So there was a trail of toiletries, books, business cards and assorted miscellany leading upstairs.

This was actually kinda cute (albeit annoying). When he does something funny like this, I imagine his thoughts, and have it narrowed down to:
A) "If he can't find his suitcase, he can't go traveling any more,"
B) He felt bad about the morning incident, and wanted to make up by straightening up.

Ok, so they're both lies. But it makes it easier to deal.

The next couple of hours were pretty uneventful, until he began to get into a VERY heated debate with the dogs next door. Don't know what they were arguing about, but apparently all three felt strongly about it.

That lasted until about 10, when he started chiming in with "and another thing" barking frenzy. Lillith can attest to that, as I was on the phone with her at the time.

I finally got him settled down, or more appropriately he fell asleep on my foot on his own. All was quiet on the Western front until I went to bed around 2.

That was a mistake.

He started in on the barking again. Not loud, but the grumbles, the growls, that little woof under his breath. There was nothing I could do to make him stop, until he finally exhausted everything he had to say around 4:30 and passed out.

So this morning, I'm grumpy, tired, and the last thing I want to do is mess with him. But I'm sure I'll head home during lunch, he'll yawn, jump off the couch, and run to jump on me, smothering me with fur and puppy kisses.

I hate him for being so f'ing cute.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


I've gotten so many emails from readers asking "Where the hell are you?" and things to that effect.

Short answer: Busy. But that's a lie.

I took an unscheduled break from blogging for a little bit, both writing and reading (to the people that I feed, I'll catch up soon); mostly because I was in limbo for a while. Minor crises averted, love won and lost, business trips, WoW played, work being... well, work.

I have been doing a lot of writing though, just not here. I completed another journal, and as my tradition, I set it ablaze. A lot of people don't understand why I do that, and it's difficult to explain. Most of my innermost thoughts, feelings, ambitions, the stuff closest to my heart go in that journal. In it I make all the words to the universe. Then, when the notebook is filled after a month or so, I buy another 100-page spiral notebook. After the first words hit the page, I literally set fire to the old one, with no pomp or circumstance. Perhaps the best way to explain it is a rebirth on a monthly basis. Wiping the slate clean. After that, my words are new. Ok, maybe it doesn't make sense, especially since because of my memory issues I usually have no idea what I wrote. But it makes me feel better to move forward.

So what's been going on...

I started dating someone, and then less than two weeks later it was over. Nothing serious, she was just moving WAY too fast for my comfort level. We did have a lot in common, and I did enjoy talking on the phone until my battery died. But when I started feeling guilty about not responding to the scores of email, IM, texts, and calls I received, I knew it was an issue. So I ended it before I started to not like her.

Murphy's doing okay, sort of. Well, HE'S doing great, but someone moved in next door to me with two dogs of her own, and Murphy has long conversations with them through the wall at all hours of the night. In my new neighbor's defense, she's really attractive. It's funny what you can get away with when you're smokin hot.

My cough is finally gone. So is the Nyquil. I am back to 100% (well, 95%).

I had a financial hiccup recently. Nothing life-altering, but it's something that'll take some time to get out of.

Those are the main things going on. More to come soon.

And thanks for being patient.

Monday, March 3, 2008

In The Rough

I know I've been slacking, so here's a vid from Blur Studios for ya.