Caffeine-addled ramblings, rants, and random thoughts about my life in pursuit of utter awesomeness and general kickassery.

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Baby Steps

I've been slacking lately in my life. Procrastinating a lot, standing still and not moving forward. Come to think of it, there's no such thing as standing still. The floor is not level. If you're not moving forward, then you're sliding back. So about a week ago I decided that it was time to start revving my engine, so to speak.

Here are the things I made myself do, and I can already tell that my life is starting to pick up speed again:

  • Write a timeline for the progression of my business.
  • Make a certain appointment I've been putting off.
  • Ask out a cute girl (This wasn't planned, but I did it, dammit!)
  • When I went to the doctor for my latest illness du jour, I asked for a Chantix Rx. So yes, I'm quitting smoking.
  • Take care of a particular financial situation.
  • Actually put in some work.
  • Reactivate my Google Adsense (You should see it up in the next couple of days).
  • Blog about these choices.

This list right now is incomplete, because taking action is addictive. Perhaps the reason why I've been slacking is that I've been looking for BIG actions, and what needed to be done wasn't "significant" enough, so I ended up doing nothing at all. I know that makes no sense, but that's how my mind works.

Anyway, the ball's rolling again.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Tendering My Resignation

In my email today. Thanks B!

Subject: Resignation

To whom it may concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

* I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again.
* I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
* I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.
* I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
* I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk.
* I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
* I want to think a quarter is worth more than a dollar bill cause it's prettier and weighs more.
* I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake.
* I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When I didn't know what I know now. When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried.
* I want to think the world is fair.
* I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.
* I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
* I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and the loss of loved ones.
* I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow and that my dad and Superman are the strongest people in the world.'s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit cards and the bills too, my 401K statements, my stocks & bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments too, my e-mail address pager,cell phone, computer, and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further, you'll have to catch me first, cause,

"You're it!"

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Why Didn't I Think Of That?

While I was waiting for my prescriptions to be filled, I meandered around the pharmacy looking at random "As Seen On TV" stuff, and I came across something wonderful.

(SIDE NOTE: I used to collect Pez, but haven't in a while as it can get pretty pricey. But C'MON! I HAD to get this.)

Modern Medicine

I'm sick.


On Friday I started feeling bad again. Definite flu-like symptoms. This concerned me because as you may recall, I already had the flu not too long ago.

I'm starting to think there's something to this "life satisfaction" talk. Mostly because of my job. Before I started working here, I NEVER got sick. Now it seems like I'm sick all the time. Maybe I should have my office checked for asbestos...

By Saturday I was a hurtin' cowpoke, spending most of my weekend in bed. And not the "good" kind of weekend like that either. I probably slept about 30 hours Sat & Sun alone. With the aches and the coughing and the sneezing and and and.

By yesterday I was done with it. I wasn't even remotely feeling better, so I made an appointment at the Austin Regional Clinic, which has the personality of a free clinic, minus the whimsy. I was there for 40 minutes, in which I saw the doctor for a total of 4. In fact, he only listened to a couple of things I said, wrote me a couple of Rx, shook my hand, and left. I wasn't sure if I was done, if I needed to check out, pee in a cup, anything. So I left. I had already paid my copay, so as far as I was concerned I was done.

As what happens quite often in my life, I decided to take matters into my own hands. While I was waiting for my Rx to be filled, I stocked up on all sorts of OTC meds, vitamins, herbal supplements, and vitamin water (LOVE that stuff). I also ran by Jamba Juice on the way back to the office and picked up a Coldbuster. I figured I'll at least give my body a fighting chance (cue Eye Of The Tiger).

I'm off on a business trip tomorrow, so we'll see what I can make happen by then.

And because SOME PEOPLE (not mentioning any names) think it's just in my head, here's a blurb from IM earlier with Lillith...

Me: ok, you want evidence that I'm really sick?
She: sure
Me: I haven't had coffee since Thursday
She: WHAT?
Me: I'm on the same pack of cigs I opened on Fri
She: dang
Me: and I haven't rubbed one out since Thurs
Me: [point made]
She: dang
She: i'm scared

Nuff said.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Val...Aww, who Am I Kidding?

It's that day again.

And I'm torn.

The romantic guy in me has all sorts of great feelings associated with Feb 14th (and ask any of my exes, I AM THAT GUY), with no outlet. This isn't a "woe is me" thing, this is more of a "being single sucks" thing. What makes it worse is the commercialism that has been oozing from everywhere. Online, commercials, even in WoW (You heard me). It's everywhere.

I was supposed to cook dinner for someone special tomorrow too, but that just got canceled. It wasn't a date or a V-Day thing, but it still would've been a nice diversion. So yeah, today's turning out a winner.

So my friend Lillith and I decided to have a little pity party of our own. We've been cock-blocking each V-Day thing that's been coming up for one another (a full time job), and we're getting together tonight to watch movies, have dinner, do laundry (I'm TOTALLY using her for her major appliances) and forget this day even happened.

The high point of my day was getting a Valentine card from my Mom & Dad. It was really cute and sweet, but it seemed to make the glaring omission of my "singleness" more apparent. Thanks though, folks. It DID make me smile.


Lilith just called and asked me to pick up some butter on the way for dinner, and I decided 5 seconds after that it was a sign from the heavens to pick up wine in bulk too.

And for all you happy couples out there, have a really nice time tonight and kiss my ass.

Ok, rant is over.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Best Thing Heard Out Of Context Today

Overheard in Whole Foods today...

"The only reason people think you're funny is because of the camel thing."

Later I ended up being in line behind them at checkout, and this was the last thing I heard said before they left... (emphasis mine)

"My cousin and I went swimming- yeah, my identical cousin- and she cut her foot on one of those pulltabs from old beer cans."
"Pulltabs? Those haven't been around since the 70s, right?"
"Yeah, I mean, who drinks 30-year-old beer?"

Don't think about it too much or blood will shoot out of your ears.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


I need a new job.

So I'm sitting here in my office, entering data into a spreadsheet. At about page 528 (out of 682), I heard a small whimper, and actually FELT my soul die.

It's okay, it was suffering long enough.

Sleep well, little guy.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I Still Believe...

Sometimes you have to remind yourself what's important. This was one of my first posts, and I really should read this more often.

I believe in Love at first sight, the power within us all, the love of a dog, our ability to change the world, random acts of kindness, the joy of cuddling, and making someone else happy before myself. I believe that pirates are cool, robots are not, what happens at a bachelor party stays there, that exercise makes you feel good, ducks are hilarious and a good BBQ place is worth its weight in gold. I believe in being silly for no reason, liberty being more important than security, talking to the person behind you in line at the store, making out without sex, the beauty of nature, creativity, and fighting for something I feel strongly about.

I believe that people connected can have conversations without saying a word, we can all have the joy and wonder of a child, respect for one another, the connection between strangers, honesty and integrity, creative solutions, and enthusiasm for everything. I believe in dirty jokes, clean sheets, patience, intuition, the healing power of a cheesecake, loving what you do, and doing what you love. I believe in the magic of a family dinner, holding the door open for a lady, tickling, snuggling under a blanket, picnics, skinny dipping and playing catch. I believe that oral sex is fun, violence is never an answer, life is too short, listening is more important than speaking, and that people are inherently good.

I believe in being proud of myself, giving a gift for no reason, dancing for no reason, singing with the radio, jumping in with both feet, back rubs, inside jokes and secret crushes. I believe money is unimportant, No dog is mean unless taught to be, someone loves me, and tomorrow will be a better day. I believe in learning something every day, remembering good times, learning from mistakes, remembering past loves, hugging your mom, stopping to smell the flowers, and the power of a good nap. I believe in family, friends, diner coffee, good beer, bad movies, breakfast at 2am, french kisses, long hugs, moonlight walks and irrational fears.

I believe that the best things in life aren't things, the journey is more important than the destination, there are no negative emotions, and when people make fun of you, you’re on the right track. I believe in a voice being heard, enjoying life, goals, local sports, good sushi, greasy spoons and dirty little secrets. I believe in listening to my inner child, walking a little old lady across the street, not being intimidated by things I don't know, taking your vacation, and not taking things personally. I believe that you’re never too old to have a birthday party, being weird means never being bored, getting away is wonderful therapy, the word “weasel” is funny, and women named "B.J." should be sued for false advertising.

I believe in knowing your heritage and history, rocking the boat, living with passion, not worrying, helping those in need, learning something new and the power of words. I believe that one imaginary friend is wonderful, 20 is a reason to worry, being scared is fun, the government lies to us, persistence will be rewarded, you should read the funnies first, and slapping anyone that wears socks with sandals. I believe in learning a new language, whispering nothings, selfless acts, the beauty of a tree, black and white movies, Saturday morning cartoons, loving oneself, and the joy of a good book.

I believe in being part of a community, forgiving others, inviting friends over for no reason, the connection between two lovers, a game of cards, and Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I believe that this too shall pass, when you give something away, let it go, peoples’ children are not all geniuses, There’s no such thing as too spicy or too good, and nobody cares if you can’t dance or sing. I believe in being extraordinary, no regrets, the kindness of strangers, doggie kisses, spooning, being yourself, asking questions, and bringing donuts if you’re late for work. I believe in giving of yourself to others, tackling challenges, working hard, playing hard, saying “thank you,” and good conversation.

I believe that education and intelligence aren’t the same thing, farts are funny, beauty comes from within, geeks make the best lovers, Love is all anyone really needs, there's no such thing as too many kisses, and It's never too late to have a happy childhood. I believe in trust, unconditional Love, wearing your favorite color just because it makes you feel good, a perfect martini, lying in the grass and finding shapes in the clouds, and smiling for the hell of it. I believe one good hug can change a bad day, there's nothing worse than cold coffee or warm milk, whenever you feel afraid get a new box of crayons, it's okay to cry during sad movies, and never sleep alone when you can sleep in someone's arms.

I believe in wearing silly hats, greeting your love at the door, not pretending to be something you're not, being happy for no reason, adopting pets instead of buying, knowing all the possibilities of your impossible dream, and being an angel for a friend. I believe puppies have the power to soften the hardest heart, No matter how good you are you can still get better, good times are even better when they're shared, laughter makes the world a better place, and miracles happen.

I believe the world is an amazing place, everyone needs a blankie now and then, I am not alone, Mom will always love you, things will look better if you wait, and there is always something good to look forward to. I believe that if sex isn't dirty, you're doing it wrong, It's okay if you need a little tech support now and then, I'm not as smart as I think I am, and as long as I continue to love, I will always be loved.