Caffeine-addled ramblings, rants, and random thoughts about my life in pursuit of utter awesomeness and general kickassery.

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Friday, November 30, 2007

On The Lam

I'm a criminal.

That's right, stay away from me or I'll steal you blind.

I stole something last night. Not going to tell you where from as it could be used in court, but it starts with "T" and rhymes with Farget.

I had to pick up some things, most importantly ChaCha's BDay present, which turned out to be (at her request) stuff for Toys For Tots. I don't normally use a basket, because that just invites me to spend way too much.

Now the first thing I picked up was a pair of sunglasses. What happens to the 40,000 pairs I seem to lose each year is a matter for debate at the folks at NASA. But anyway, I pick up some ok ones, and when my hands start filling up, I decide to put the glasses in the buttonhole of my shirt, thinking NOBODY would miss that, especially with the poster-sized tags hanging off of them at odd angles. So I was wandering around the store, my hands full of goodies, none the wiser.

Not only had I forgotten about them, but the cashier missed them as well as the uniformed security guard who held the door open for me as I was leaving.

As I got in the car, I noticed them as I put on my seatbelt and drove away.

And there I was, a criminal who got away from the scene of the crime, a master thief.

The Ill-Gotten Booty
(Or Ill-Booten Gotty)

Top 10- Murphy

So I've had Murphy for almost a week now, and somehow in his absence I had forgotten what a funny guy he is. Not so much dry, obscure humor like me, but funny in a sort of slapstick, sweet, innocent knock-knock joke way that "special-needs" kids are funny.
Yeah. Have I mentioned before that he's a candidate for the Special Olympics?

OMFG! There's an idea! A dog show with agility trials for stupid dogs!
Anyone want to help me work on that?

So anyway, he's very expressive, and here are my favorite things he's done in the last 5 days...

  • When he needs to go out, he rings this little bell on the door (old story). If I don't get up right away, he'll run back to me, then to the door, then back to me, faster and faster, until he becomes this blur of negative IQ, slamming his head on the door with each circuit.
  • The wonderment of when he goes out on a "business trip," does his duty (heehee... "doody"), and I whip out a bag and pick it up. He looks at me as if to say, "so remind me again WHY I have to come outside for this?"
  • On that same topic, when I'm "relieving" myself, he'll always be beside me. "Hey, Hey, HEY! I drink outta that thing!" He doesn't (I keep the lid down), but still.
  • 9 o'clock is his bedtime. Not by choice, that's just when he crashes. You can tell he's not used to living with an insomniac. So at 9 each evening I notice he's nowhere to be found, and I'll go upstairs and he's curled up in bed, on my pillow, making sure to leave fur all over it.
  • Usually at about 11, he'll come sleepily to where I am, sit down, yawn, slowly turn around and go back to bed. I guess that's his version of "It's late. Come to bed."
  • Along those same lines, when I do go to bed, trying to move him out of my spot is an ordeal. He's dead weight, and if you try to move him he gets cranky and growls at me. It's cute as hell.
  • He doesn't understand the link between commands and tricks. He knows about 6 tricks, but can't seem to connect any of those to a command. So if I have a treat (this gets worse if I have Pooter Doodles), I'll give him a command and he'll run through every single trick he knows hoping one of them will be the right one.
  • The way he comforts himself with his Wooby. That's right, he has a security blanket. He'll shake the hell out of it, lie down on it with a big wad of it in his mouth, and watch tv until he falls asleep (He really likes Futurama for some reason).
  • The amazement he has when I go to the big white magic box in the kitchen. You can see him trying to work it out in his head, "Waitaminnit, each time you open that big door you get FOOD? I really need to evolve thumbs."
And my favorite thing of all...

  • If I take him for a non-business walk, he'll crash HARD. We only walk about a mile or so; the boy has zero stamina. So later on I'll hear noises coming from the next room. He'll be dreaming up a storm. Legs twitching, ears wiggling, tail trying to remove itself, and the yips. My GAWD, he's cute when he's dreaming. It's scientifically proven to be impossible to not grin like a maniac when watching that.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I'm not one into just slapping a link in a post, but this was worth the read.

Pay attention, ladies...


Or Clicky (Sorry about the annoying script, but I wanted to give credit with a direct link)

Or even here

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Doggie Wars: Epilogue

The Doggie Wars have ended, with casualties on both sides. As with most, this was an unnecessary war.

The visit with Jean was tenser than it needed to be, but it all worked out.

But Murphy is home.

Right now he's sitting next to me, looking absentmindedly out the window as I type these words. He looks over his shoulder at me, yawns, and rests his head on the sill, his eyes halfway closed.

Everything is as it should be.

Welcome home, Pooter.

Words Of Advice

Gonna get all Dear Abby on ya here...

The names are omitted for privacy (and I'm not telling. So don't ask).

To _______: It's easy to think that you don't need something when it's gone. But trust me, it's the lesser of two evils. You were risking much. I'm proud of you for knowing you needed it. Love you.

To _______: You're an adult, and you can choose your actions for yourself. I think I knew your decision before you did. Just don't be surprised when this comes back to bite you in the ass.

To _______: Are you sure your path is the same as theirs? I thought it was made fairly clear at the start. You may want to ask to be sure.

To _______: I'm guilty of this as well, but what have you done lately in pursuit of that dream? If nothing, then maybe you are trying to tell you something. I know it's a hard choice. Most dreams are.

To _______: As cliché as it is, a lot of times what you're looking for is right in front of you. Don't look at the past so much, listen and see what's happening in the here and now. Dur. It could be what you want after all, a different gift in the same box.

To _______: You're preaching to the choir. It might be time to move on. It's hard for a flower to bloom without new soil. Take what was good, and cherish that always. We are always growing. But leave the bad stuff behind. It takes up room in your luggage, and stinks up the clean stuff.

To _______: Remind yourself at these times how amazing and wonderful you are. Hell, remind yourself constantly anyway. Because you are, and if you lift your head, you'll see all that Love being sent your way. They're waiting for you to give it back.

Friggin. Awesome. Commercial.

I guess I've become numb to rampant capitalism. Commercials just don't make me take notice anymore.

Until now.


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thanksgiving At The Tenacious'

As I said, today was a good day.

The celebration is winding down, we had a nice day of turkiness and wine. I got to see just about all of my family. The only absences were one of my brothers-in-law and one of my nephews, who were hunting (no judgements here). I also upgraded my folks' computer and we had wine. Lots of wine.

I mentioned before, I have the greatest family in the world. A big reason for this maintaining in my mind (and others', I'm certain) is that we drink in bulk. It's not that my family is hard to deal with, but instead it seems that it makes the same stories we hear every time, little quirks, and idiosyncrasies endearing rather than annoying.

Anyway, back to my thoughts on Thanksgiving...

It occurred to me this morning that Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday. Not for the gluttony, drinking, or football, but instead because this day has successfully defended itself against capitalism and commercialism.

Think about it, the only thing that is involved, or expected with today is family, fun, sharing, and gratefulness. No shopping involved (other than for mastication pleasure), no gifts expected, no big to-dos...just sharing and being.


My Mom just brought out guacamole, so I'm gonna cut this short. But you get the general idea.

Make sure you tell those dear to you how important they are to you.

And Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving All!

Today started off great. I woke up a little sore from the workout on Tuesday, made me some coffee and breakfast tacos, farted around on WoW a little. I'll be heading out to the progenitors of my awesomeness in about an hour. They told me not to bring anything, but I'm showing up with wine. Lots of it.

A good day.

And yeah, I came up with an epiphany about Thanksgiving. I'll fill you in later.

Anyway, I'm thankful for a lot of things right now, so here's my most important ones (in no particular order)...

  • Thanks to my family for always being there, for who you are and what you have given me.
  • Thanks to the universe for showing me that anything is possible.
  • Thanks to my friends, old and new, for loving me for me.
  • Thanks to the creators of Pez, Legos, Origami and Vicodin for getting me through those off-days.
  • Thanks to Mother Nature for coffee, tobacco, and the fermenting process of grapes.
  • Thanks to ChaCha for letting me know what it feels like to Love.
  • Thanks to Murphy for coming back into my life and all the puppy kisses that entails.
  • Thanks to my readers for allowing me into your life.
  • Thanks to Miss Divine for letting me know what it feels like to be Loved (and stalked).
  • Thanks to Jean... You were a very important part of my life. I owe much to you.
  • Thanks to the potential new Love interest in my life.
  • And thanks to me for helping me find me.

Talk you soon!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Doggie Wars: The Final Chapter

On Sunday I called Jean. I was feeling a bit off, but this was something that had to be resolved.

We had a fight.


Probably the worst one we ever had.

I won't give details, because she is a good person whom I care for, and anything I can say about the way the conversation went would make her sound like a total bitch, which she is not. Plus, you'd only get to hear my side. I believe in fair play, after all.

Regardless, at one point, I decided enough was enough. I stopped and told her that I would be picking up Murphy this weekend.

For good.

I feel great about it. The Pooter is coming home.

Guess I should get started on making some more Pooter Doodles.

And a "Welcome Home" sign.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

No Surprises Here

Pretty appropriate for how I feel this morning...


Friday, November 16, 2007

Coming Clean

I think it's time you all should know.

I've come to terms with it now.

I think...

I love...

Robin Meade.

That's right. From CNN Headline News.

Before you say it, I KNOW she's married.

She's SO WORTH the restraining order.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Dogs Savage Everglade Alligator

How dogs hunting in packs can bring down a huge alligator: At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "apex predator" in it's natural ecosystem, can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and "survival of the fittest pack mentality", bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of years by natural selection. See the remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine by clicking the link below. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast from rolling.

Click Here. WARNING! Not for the squeamish.

(EDIT: link now fixed)

The Gods Must Be Tasty

In my email today...

(Click on image for full size)

The Doggie Wars: The Return Of The Pooter

[begin scrolling titles here]


I had Murphy at the beginning of the month for a bit while the ex was out of town. We had a grand ole time, eating tater tots and watching Monty Python.

Then when I dropped him off, I decided to tell Jean about my decision to adopt a Golden. It was then she informed me that if I didn't take him, that she would surrender him to the SPCA.


I was aghast. She said that she was giving him up, and that I had "first dibs." She also said that she thought it was interesting that I "didn't want him" because he was my dog.

In addition, here's how she remembers the events surrounding her taking him...
I told her I'd take both dogs (I was still fostering Shadow at the time) and then after a week, I called and told her to "come get her fucking dog."

Yeah, that TOTALLY sounds like me.

Here's what really happened: We fought over him. In the end, we decided on joint custody. In fact, the first time I asked to take him she wanted me to sign a document ensuring his return. Granted, my memory isn't perfect but I sure as hell remember THAT.

Anyway, I'm going to talk to her this weekend. Meanwhile, I've put the meet-n-greet with Buster and Homer on hold until then. I've talked with my adoption coordinator, and she understands.

It may be Murphy after all.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

So You Had A Bad Day...

Yesterday was not pretty. I started feeling sick on Sunday morning, and went downhill from there. It wouldn't have been that bad, but unfortunately I had some trips I needed to take for work this week, so I put my death hanta ebola plague illness on hold until I could get back at home and collapse.

(SIDE NOTE: I know I said I would no longer be heading on business trips. I lied. I'll explain later)

So Tuesday I went to San Antonio, and came out that night. Yesterday I had to head back up north, about a 3-3 1/2 hour drive. Mind you, I've been running a slight fever and basically felt like various levels of crap for the last few days. My plan was to head out around noon, be in town and checked in by 4, then pass the fuck out until my meeting the next day.

The first part of that went okay. I left about 11:45. when I was about 15 miles out of town, I realized that I had forgotten my phone. annoying, but understandable with my memory and my condition. Run back home and get it.

On the road again.

Right outside of Temple (check Google maps from Austin for distance and perspective), I realized I had...




Who forgets shoes?

Me. This guy.

So, I had to turn around and go back. By the time I left my house (for the third time), I already had over a hundred miles racked up. And STILL had a 3 hour drive ahead of me. And I'm TOTALLY billing my company for those miles.

It wasn't like I could just run into Wally World and pick up another pair, not that I didn't wish I could. I wear size 15 1/2 EE, as mentioned before. So buying off the rack isn't exactly an option.

Anyway, I made it in after 6, and passed out in my room.

And I still woke up late.